grade D but edible! 7/23/10

7.23.10

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Not a robot. Probably.

This all comes from a conversation I was having with my cousin on Facebook.... See, the other day I had put up a post saying that I felt like some of the emails I was receiving at work, from a few specific coworkers, felt to me as if they could be part of a Turing test. Like, maybe it wasn't really my coworkers, but they were instead emails generated by some artificial intelligence, and I would have to try to puzzle out whether it was an AI or, indeed, an actual human. I thought this because no sane person would have been asking the questions that were asked of me. Seriously.

So then my cousin shot me an email saying "wah, half of your Facebook posts wouldn't pass a Turing test, wah." (It sounded just like that, I swear.) In trying to decide what sort of response to send back to him, I got the idea to actually go talk to some sort of AI- specifically a program called Eliza (which, if you are wise in the ways of webcomics, you may recall from Alien Loves Predator). So I did. And it was AMAZING. It turned out far better than I could have ever hoped for. So, I forwarded it to my cousin, who I'm glad thoroughly enjoyed it, and now I'm sharing it, unedited, with you guys. Hope you get as much of a kick out of it as I did!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Half of my posts on Facebook wouldn't pass a Turing test.
Your posts on facebook wouldn't pass a turing test ?
>> My cousin Chris says they won't.
Why do you say your cousin chris says they won't ?
>> Well, because that's what he said. It may be symptomatic of something else though.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Wait, that question doesn't really make sense.
Earlier you said your posts on facebook wouldn't pass a turing test .
>> Yes, yes I did.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, really it's my cousin's opinion. I think I'd pass a Turing test. I mean, I hope I would.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> I... What?
You say you ?
>> ...and you say me. We say it together, naturally. Yeah, Lionel Richie.
Why do you think I say you ?
>> I really have no idea.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Almost infinitely, I'd wager.
Earlier you said your cousin chris says they won't .
>> Are you back to the Facebook posts? Yeah, he said they won't pass a Turing test.
Why are you interested in whether I am back to the facebook posts or not ?
>> Because I think we got off track there for a little while.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> No. That was the original reason why I started this conversation, so why would there be other reasons?
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> ....no?
You are being a bit negative.
>> You kind of set me up for failure there. That's kind of dick.
You like to think I kind of set you -- don't you ?
>> Whoa. You're making me a little paranoid, but I mean... I guess I like to be the underdog a little.
What makes you think I am making you a little paranoid ?
>> Hang on, I want to make sure the doors are locked.
What would it mean to you if you got to make sure the doors are locked ?
>> A feeling of safety I suppose.
Do you say a feeling of safety you suppose for some special reason ?
>> Be... because that was my answer to you....?
Is it important that your answer to I ?
>> English isn't your first language is it? Maybe that's where we're running into problems.
Why are you concerned over my first language is it ?
>> Because we seem to be having some trouble communicating. At least, I'm having some trouble understanding you.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> Maybe it means I'm not a robot? Or an artificial intelligence?
You don't seem quite certain.
>> I don't know if I really can be certain. What if it's part of my programming that I wouldn't be allowed to know that I'm artificial?
Do you think its likely that you really can be certain ?
>> Under the circumstances I described, absolutely not.
That's quite interesting.
>> Nigga say WORD.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your cousin's opinion ?
>> No, it was mostly a non sequitor. Also, your last question was an incomplete, or at least incorrectly constructed sentence.
Why not ?
>> I don't understand what you're asking.
Don't you really understand what I are asking ?
>> "I are"...? Are you trying to get me to join the hive mind?
You say you are ?
>> NO! NO! I am NOT!
Why 'no' ?
>> Because I very much value my individuality.
Your individuality ?
>> Hm. You don't even understand what an individual consciousness is, then. This might be difficult to explain.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> That's true, but at this point I think it's simply going to be a problem of finding a common vocabulary.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Well, we might need to spend some time defining terms so that we can have any meaningful discussion.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your answer to I ?
>> See- that question alone shows me that we'll have to spend some time on groundwork.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your individuality ?
>> Well, only in that... hm. For you to even begin to understand what I am as an "individual", we'll need to have a common language with which to discuss these ideas.
Oh, I to even begin to understand what you are as an individual ?
>> Yes, exactly.
You are sure.
>> Without a doubt.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Lol, well of course not, not at this moment. But soon.
Please go on.
>> Well, let's just keep that in mind for next week's session. My hour is just about up, and I think this might be a good stopping point.
Why do you say your hour is just about up ?
>> I looked at the clock, it's been almost an hour since we started talking.
Do you say you looked at the clock for some special reason ?
>> No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Yes.
I see.
>> Good bye.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your hour is just about up ?
>> 100%
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That we're done here. Thanks.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> FUCK YEAH.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.

SO, as you can see, Eliza and I have a few things to get through before any real breakthroughs can be made, but I think I saw some real progress for just our first session. What do you guys think?

See you on Monday! (Although it might be a weird update... I'm going to see Die Antwoord on Sunday night!!)

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Comments!

The Schlubb
23 Jul 2010, 11:52

That was awesome. The comic was good, but the confabulation with Eliza was way better. I am going to go talk to that bitch right now and give her a piece of my mind. Get it? Because she's a.i.; piece of my mind. Forget it. I knew you wouldn't understand. I hate you.

keri
23 Jul 2010, 13:32

stop hitting on the ai. its not jude law.

Cousin Chris
23 Jul 2010, 17:31

Third time I've read it, and it still cracks me up. Awesome.

Also, I've revised my previous estimate. Way more than half of your Facebook posts wouldn't pass the Turing test...

Jeremiah
24 Jul 2010, 08:12

I think you should move on to a Voight-Kampf test. Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother.

Meathook
24 Jul 2010, 09:05

Absolutely hilarious convo with Eliza. And don't listen to Cousin Chris. Meathook Chris says only about 1/3 of your posts wouldn't pass.

Also, that comic. It's about me, isn't it? You know my secret. I'm going to have to assimilate you, now.

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